The Sun and the Black Hole

Art, and its artists, take on their own character — true across every art form. The person is always separate from his art. But the ones who dissolve their personality into their art, so that the way they live also reflects what they create — that's a true artist right there.

I haven't been able to achieve that, because I don't think I have knowledge considerable enough to call myself an artist. I'm still learning, still trying to gain the confidence to use that word for myself.

Being in this art form, in this community, I've met a lot of people and observed their behavior, and I must say — not everyone who excels in their art is a human being capable of the honesty and warmth that their art carries. Being an outsider to these systems and everything that comes with them, I had this notion that every artist is a good man or woman — honest, lovable, someone who brings warmth to their family. But being involved, I was shocked to find that this isn't the case.

People who inherited this art from their ancestors, as a business passed down through generations to carry the legacy forward — they don't carry themselves the way an artist should. Art is the most heartwarming, soulful community of people, and at the same time, the darkest. The sun and the black hole, in the same place.

My notion of artists, and of art itself, has changed a lot because of this. This industry isn't easy, and I've come to believe no one should try to form a fully trusting bond with anyone in it. Everyone is, in some way, selfish — it's give and take. No one will make you better than themselves.

The most jealous people I've met are artists — jealous of every other artist around them- turns out talent doesn't exempt you from being human. Being an artist myself, I'm trying to understand that. I had never once separated the artist from the art. But I think sometimes I should — even if it feels like a betrayal of who I am, like I'm drifting from my own beliefs.

The people who gave me this realization are people I looked up to, people I took care of, as I should have. I don't want to get involved in any of it, and I don't want it to disrupt what I believe — but I also don't want to run away from reality.