Sometimes I’m just tired of everything. Maybe it’s the weather, maybe it’s not but right now, I’ve had enough. I’m frustrated with the work I’ve done and maybe the work I haven’t. I don’t even know anymore. The shows, the recordings, everything feels delayed, like I’m stuck in some loop where nothing actually lands. People call for shows and then say, “Do it for free.” Why should I? What exactly am I building then?
There’s this constant gloom at home too. Everyone’s busy, everyone’s struggling in their own way, trying to do better but it creates this quiet heaviness. No one says it, but you feel it.
Money, I don’t even value it the way most people do. To me, it just buys independence. And that’s all I’ve ever really wanted, to stand on my own. That’s why I started my label, did things myself. Some people helped, genuinely, humbly and I respect that. But mostly, it’s been me figuring things out alone.
And still, things are delayed. My new live set, my originals, everything feels like it’s moving slower than it should. Social media, I hate it. The truth is, I’m not that capable there. I put in work for others, but not for myself, not where it matters. And that’s probably the worst part, I know what I should be doing, and I’m not doing enough of it.
Right now, I don’t even recognize myself. No releases. No standout skill that I can point to with confidence. Just average. And it stings because this isn’t who I want to be.
I don’t want to stay here. I don’t want to settle into this version of myself. I want to be better, different. I want to feel like I’m actually moving, actually rising.
Because this is just not me.
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