Ticket to Jiaganj

Happy belated birthday, sir.

Siva here again—writing to you through my chitthi. I had written one around this same time last year too.

Just wanted to share a small update from my side. I started my own music label, February’s Favourite, with a distribution partner. I also got the relevant royalty registrations done, and with the help of a friend completed the website and GST work as well. We even organised a few ghazal shows for my Guruma and released some of her songs.

Lately, I’ve been focusing a lot on my original music. Out of a larger set of songs, I’m planning to release around 5–6 singles this year, one by one, each with its own story and visual treatment—something more artistic and honest.

I also completed a 6-month certification in sound engineering from the Faculty of Music, Delhi University. Since then, I’ve just been practicing regularly, making notes, and trying to improve my mixes wherever I can.

I’ve been wanting to say this for a while—I would really like to come and learn under your guidance and contribute what I can in Oriyon music and Tatwamasi Foundation. I’m planning to visit Jiaganj soon, and if you allow, I would love to come, sit with you, and let you hear my songs. Before I start releasing them, I feel it’s important that you listen to them and guide me.

You’ve been a big inspiration for me, sir. Before taking this step, it would mean a great deal to have your blessings and guidance.

Regards,
Shiva Mishra.

This is not me

Sometimes I’m just tired of everything. Maybe it’s the weather, maybe it’s not but right now, I’ve had enough. I’m frustrated with the work I’ve done and maybe the work I haven’t. I don’t even know anymore. The shows, the recordings, everything feels delayed, like I’m stuck in some loop where nothing actually lands. People call for shows and then say, “Do it for free.” Why should I? What exactly am I building then?

There’s this constant gloom at home too. Everyone’s busy, everyone’s struggling in their own way, trying to do better but it creates this quiet heaviness. No one says it, but you feel it.

Money, I don’t even value it the way most people do. To me, it just buys independence. And that’s all I’ve ever really wanted, to stand on my own. That’s why I started my label, did things myself. Some people helped, genuinely, humbly and I respect that. But mostly, it’s been me figuring things out alone.

And still, things are delayed. My new live set, my originals, everything feels like it’s moving slower than it should. Social media, I hate it. The truth is, I’m not that capable there. I put in work for others, but not for myself, not where it matters. And that’s probably the worst part, I know what I should be doing, and I’m not doing enough of it.

Right now, I don’t even recognize myself. No releases. No standout skill that I can point to with confidence. Just average. And it stings because this isn’t who I want to be.

I don’t want to stay here. I don’t want to settle into this version of myself. I want to be better, different. I want to feel like I’m actually moving, actually rising.

Because this is just not me.

मैं हिंदू हूँ

मैं हिंदू हूँ, मैं कहता हूँ

तुम मुझको क्या बाँटोगे

हम पहले से ही बँटे हुए हैं

पाखंड के चार घरानों में

 

एक घराना मन का है

दूजा मेरे तन का है

तीजा सिर्फ अल्फ़ाज़ बना,

चौथा शव-दान का है

 

द्वार खड़े नंदी ने बोला

कब तक ढोंग रचाओगे

मेरा भगवन नहीं उठेगा

ऐसे गीत जो गाओगे

 

दिखावा छोड़ो, काम करो

मूर्ति नहीं, इंसान बनो

छूट तुम्हें है चुनने की

तुम दुष्ट बनो या ज्ञान बनो

 

और मैं कहता हूँ, पाप करो

हर रण में अपना नाम करो

जब थक जाओ अपनों से हारे

तब गंगा में स्नान करो

 

मैं हिंदू हूँ, मैं कहता हूँ

 

— siva

किराया

जन्म के बाद दादी ने कहा,
सब कुछ है तुम्हारे पास,
बस तुम्हें संभालना है।

 

गाँव से शहर,
शहर से बड़े शहर तक घुमाया गया,
पढ़ाया गया लिखाया गया —
और हर बार जताया गया।

 

दो भाइयों की निजी लड़ाई में,
कुछ बच्चे हमेशा पिसे,
माँ, चाची का प्यार मिला—
पर वो भी कहाँ अपने हिस्से का था।

 

आज शायद वो सफ़र खत्म हुआ,
घरवालों की चाल थी—जो भी हुआ

अपनी समझी थी ज़िंदगी—निकली उधार की,
एहसानों का कर्ज़ है—और मैं उसमें डूबा हुआ

 

अब किराया बकाया है उस ज़िंदगी का,
अब किराया बकाया है मेरे बचपन का—
भरूँगा उम्र देकर।

-siva