Dispatch to destiny

After preparing my portfolio with five songs from different genres that I wrote, composed, and recorded, I uploaded everything onto my website, February's Favourite. The site includes my introduction, the songs, my portfolio in PDF form, and the link to this blog. I felt like it was finally ready, and I did it.

Ten days ago, I printed two copies of my portfolio. One was sent to Pritam Chakraborty’s studio, Jam8, in Mumbai, and the other was sent to Arijit Singh at his home in Jiaganj, West Bengal. I found both addresses online, and I had seen videos of Arijit Sir’s home, even pinpointed on Google Maps. I posted the packages, trusting they would reach their destinations.

Normally, speed post would have delivered them in three days, but it didn’t happen that way. The package sent to Mumbai arrived in five days, while the one going to Jiaganj took longer because it's a more remote area. After five days, the Jiaganj package was redirected back. I filed a complaint, tracked it 6-7 times a day, and had to wait through a Sunday when post offices were closed. Finally, on the 7th day, it reached its destination, and a message dropped on my phone while I was heading back home with a certain someone — we felt so relieved.

The time when the Mumbai package was delivered and I had no response, while the Jiaganj one was being redirected at the same time, was really tough. As the blog name suggests, it was the Dispatch of my destiny.

I was satisfied that at least the package reached its destination. Now, all I can do is hope and do what I do best — write songs. Maybe I’ll even write one about this scenario. Until then, I’ll keep learning and improving my vocal skills, writing, and compositions.

Creation and Devotion

Lately, I’ve been thinking deeply about life, time, and creation. Some thoughts always strike my mind, growing louder each day. And one realization has grown stronger than ever:

Creation is the purest form of devotion to the creator.

Not rituals, not sermons, not mindless religious system. Just creation. Whether it's music, poetry, a painting, a garden, or even a warm meal — the act of bringing something into this world that didn’t exist before… that, to me, is worship.

I make music, I bring something to life - so I believe I am the follower of the creator. This is how I worship god. It aligns with my selfless worship towards my music and I am happy. 

My New Week:

I've renamed the days of the week to reflect the essence of music:

SA - RE - GA - MA - PA - DHA - NI (starting from Monday).

Each day now begins with a note, a vibration, a sound — not just a name. It sets the tone. And I’ve finally put together my portfolio — a growing reflection of all I’ve created so far.

I am ready.

काँच

काँच सी मुरादें पूरी करता हूँ मैं

ज़िंदगी जब भी आती है, शीशा तोड़ देता हूँ मैं

ढूँढो क्या बिकता है बाज़ारों में

मैंने तो ज़र्फ़ कमाई है

चले थे सपनों का सेहरा उठाए

कमज़र्फ़ियाँ बीच में आई हैं

मशकूक लोग हैं यहाँ

ज़िंदादिली से डरते हैं

इन शहरों में जब भी निकलता हूँ

लोग परवाने-सा जलते हैं

मेरे अपने कहते हैं पराया हूँ मैं

मौसीक़ी की महफ़िल ने पहचाना है

याद रखना दुनियावालो

वो नाम “शिवा सिराज” जो

बतलाया है

ये जो ज़िंदगी काँटों-सी चुभती है

काँच से पूछना, उसको कैसी लगती है 

                                                                - siva

डर एक आदमी है

किसने कहा डर एक औरत है

डर तो एक आदमी है

और आदमी है, तभी तो लाज़मी है

डर एक आदमी है

तभी तो बेखौफ़ घूमता है बाज़ारों में

दिन हो या रात हो

उसे कौन सताएगा, उसे कौन तड़पाएगा

कभी देखा है डर को?

बड़ा सरल सा दिखता है

सुंदर नैन-नक्श, भारी शरीर

सूट-बूट पहने रोज़ निकलता है

हमें डर को औरत बनाना है

उसे डराना है, उसे धमकाना है

जो बाहर मिले वो ख़ुशी

और घर आकर कोहराम मचाना है

हमें डर को औरत बनाना है

मन से बाहर मगर घर से नहीं

तन से बाहर मगर रण से नहीं

हमें डर को औरत बनाना है

जो करती रहे सबका काम

उसे क्यों पुचकारना है?

हमें डर को औरत बनाना है

उसे एक दर्जा देकर

फिर भूल जाना है

हमें डर को आदमी से औरत बनाना है                          

                                                                       - siva

This poem is a mirror to patriarchy, using the metaphor of fear as a gendered construct.Through sarcasm and stark imagery, the poem questions this deep-rooted mindset. 

Need knows my Name

I believe that I am, somewhat typically, a go-to person for friends and family around me. Which is good — I like being the handy one, the supportive one, irrespective of what I have to do or whether it affects me or not.

But my empathetic nature sometimes makes me pathetic, because I feel there's no one around when I need someone.I've been emotionally alone a number of times — most probably because I expect the same level of attention and support that I offer to others. And, as always, your expectations never quite meet reality, and you're the one lying sad in the corner.

This has aroused a kind of masochistic nature in me. Emotionally, sometimes I long for a little pain... and in turn, it motivates me to write a song.

I have weird ways of writing songs... sometimes I just write down some words and their meanings on one page, then write a song using all of those words — and it comes out good.

And as I said, sometimes I affect myself on purpose…to write one.
Most of my songs come to me while I’m driving my bike — at high speeds. It feels like freedom in every way. I have no fear of what’s to come next, and creativity then falls upon me like a gift.

Well, I got off-topic.
I was saying — Need knows my name.
Either in my case, or in others’.